Whether you’re struggling to make agreements in a hard divorce, navigating the struggles of co-parenting, or even dealing with a difficult workplace, knowing basic steps in conflict reduction and resolution is essential for a healthy success.
Embrace it
Conflict is not a bad thing. It may even be good for you, for your office, for your family, because conflict usually demands better. You cannot escape it, so putting it off or avoiding issues will probably just exacerbate the situation. Take in on willingly, and let it make you better.
Identify the Conflict
What is the center of the issue? After all of the uncertainties, what does it boil down to? Stick to facts, and try to analyze the situation void of emotion. Perhaps one party has unrealistic expectations that are exacerbating the problem? Or maybe there was a gap in communication that led to an incident. Once you understand the problem, make sure both parties are aware of each other’s positions–truly aware. Restate each other’s claims if need be, just to ensure there is full understanding.
Empathize with Your Adversary’s Opinion
Things are hardly ever just wrong or right. A perfect litmus test of whether or not the issue is actually that polar is by putting yourself completely in the other person’s perspective, keeping in mind their needs, goals, values, and how they perceive the situation. Additionally, once each party understands where the other is coming from, future conflict will be better avoided in the future. A sensitive person who is capable of viewing a situation through various lenses is the best protector of peace.
Simplify to Yes and No
What does the other party want from you, in the simplest terms? “Would you prefer I did this?” or “No, I don’t like it when you bring up those things.” Here is when you begin negotiating the smaller terms of the conflict resolution.
Establish a new balance of the uneven powers. Maybe a third party listening to the issue who could help you mediate and ensure each party gets what they want. Or maybe you can start the conversation over and keep in mind aspects of the issue upon which both parties agree, then slowly begin to move forward with the solution. This process is best kept productive by invoking the overriding interests of both parties involved. For example, if the conflict is in a workspace, recall that everyone is there to work together and get the job done; if it’s in co-parenting, you both want what’s best for your child correct? A reminder of shared responsibilities will keep both parties at the table.
Explain Yourself
When you begin to ask for what you want, give solid reasoning to back it up. Explain why it isn’t a random, invalid request. Lending this legitimacy keeps both parties demands honest, and enables them to respect each others needs.
Once the terms have been set, go through them once more. Everyone agrees? Perfect. Remember how you achieved the successful agreement next time.
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