How many times, when in the middle of an argument, have you asked your partner, “Why are you doing this to me?” How many times have you said, “It’s all his or her fault?”
There are too many people who can go on and on about the faults and failings of their partner when a marriage goes wrong. They remember every mistake ever made by their partner, and can bring up the smallest details.
Now, ask yourself, “How did you contribute to this problem?” We all have the power within ourselves to change our own behaviors and attitudes, but none of us has the power to change or control someone else.
If you think constant complaining and criticizing your partner is going to change him or her, think again. This can lead to a power struggle, which could ultimately destroy all caring and love between the two.
The most effective way to change anything in a relationship is to change you. Change in a relationship starts with YOU.
Playing the blame game is self-serving, dishonest and allows an individual to shift responsibility onto someone else through self-deception. The blame game does not lead to change or solutions for that matter.
If you’re looking for whose fault it is that a marriage is failing, you’ll find plenty of faults to go around on both your parts. Finding fault is a waste of time. Change and solutions is what you need.
Get honest and real. Ask yourself, “How did or do I contribute to our ongoing problems?” The answers will show you how to avoid making the same mistakes over again, and will indicate to you in what area change in yourself is needed.
While the ideal solution is to come to a divorce settlement that makes everyone happy, that goes out the window when conflict takes over. There are other options, legal separation does not end your marriage; but it allows a married couple to give each other time and reflect. It is recommended to simply outlines how you would address property, custody and other issues in the event of a divorce.
If you live in Orange County and are considering a divorce, make sure to consult with a qualified family law attorney to discuss your individual case. Contact the family law offices of Amy M. Montes to discuss the rights and options available to you.
We will help you resolve your legal matter in the best way possible.
