You’ve been through a hard divorce and come out of it alive and strong. You’ve met someone and you are happy again but how do you introduce your kids to your new love? You feel torn between your own wants and needs and your concerns about how the kids will react to a new person in your life. What’s the best way to bring them all together?
There is no one good approach to this and everyone is of course different of course, but some approaches do work better than others. Parents who manage the transition successfully often follow these basic guidelines.
- Remember, kids don’t recover from a change in the home as easily or as fast as an adult will. Unless things were really bad and there were active discussions with them about the possibility of divorce.
- Consider the fact that the relationship your child has with the other parent or parent-figure is different from yours. There are many people who are lousy partners but still decent parents. You can’t expect your kids to be ready for someone new just because you are.
- Slow down. You can and should take the time to really get to know someone before involving the children. It’s simply not fair to ask them to fold someone into their lives, only to have him or her disappear a few months later when you discover it’s not going to work out.
- “The One” Once you’ve decided that the person you are dating is “the one”, by all means do the introductions. But do take it slow. Don’t make the first encounter happen over breakfast after a sleep-over. Take the time to include kids and your new love on outings the kids will enjoy.
It’s difficult to be so measured and thoughtful about children’s needs if you are excited about a new person. But taking the time is worth it. When the children have had the opportunity to develop their own relationship with your new love, there will be far less conflict later on.
