Holidays should be a time for celebration and spending time with family, however, this is complicated when divorced parents share custody of their children. Sharing the holiday season with your spouse can be difficult, even if you get along with your spouse during the rest of the year. Rather than struggling through the holiday season again, you can prepare yourself ahead of time so you can have a fun, peaceful holiday.
When creating a plan for how your child will spend the holidays, one of the first things you should do is consult the custody arrangement. Often, a custody arrangement will say outright which parent will have custody on each holiday. Sometimes, the parent with custody on a certain holiday varies by year. Whatever procedure that is determined in your custody arrangement is binding, so it is important that you check it out before considering other options. If you cannot find a copy of the arrangement, don’t assume one wasn’t made. Find a lawyer who can help you locate it.
If you and the other parent would like to alter your custody arrangement, you will need to obtain the court’s consent. Changing a custody order is a common occurrence, since the needs of the child and the parents change as the child gets older. Some parents need to change their order every 2.5 to 3 years. If you and the other parent can agree on how to change the order, you can simply follow the procedure for writing up your parenting plan and getting it approved by a judge. The process simply involves filling out court forms, and having them signed, reviewed, and filed.
If the parents cannot agree on the change they would like to make, one of the parents must file for a modification of the current custody plan. You and your spouse may have to meet with a mediator to discuss why you want the order, before you attend a court hearing.
A custody order typically contains a form detailing the custody plan for holidays. When figuring out your holiday arrangements, consider how you normally celebrate your holiday, as well as where you celebrate in relation to your spouse. Think about how the custody order can be best modified to fit your plans. You may be able to offer half-days that might work best with your and the other parent’s holiday plans. For instance, the child could have breakfast or lunch at one home, and dinner at another, if it is convenient. If not, you may have to take alternate days.
When creating a custody plan for the holidays, you should be willing to compromise with your ex. If you are unwilling to share time, you will halt the process all together, and that won’t make the holidays less stressful at all. If your ex is unwilling to negotiate, you may be able to use that as a reason to get a court to order holiday custody, depending on the circumstances. Deciding on holiday custody arrangements that work for everyone can be difficult, but it is worth it to have a nice and happy holiday.