Divorce is an incredible life upheaval. Even if the process is completely amiable, smooth, and reassuring for both sides, the seizable change will take time and commitment to adjust to in a healthy way. And you can be sure, before anyone reaches a stable point of peace, there will be small bumps along the way; particularly for children.
A child suffers differently than a parent does in divorce; it’s important as a parent to fully note and plan to flexibly accomodate for this. Of course you’ll have points of suffering in common with your child, but you can’t expect to be able to understand and handle all of their needs during divorce. Some children respond better than others, but if your child is having a rough time, you may consider child counseling.
This decision can result in major woes. If your child opposes the idea, he or she may show signs of serious resentment, problematic behavior or outright refusal to participate. Forcing a child to undergo the therapy, far from making things better can actually worsen matters and heighten the resentment they have for you. If you think your child needs help, you should first try to open them up to the idea of seeking counselling. If they are marginally willing, the help can be successful. However, in some cases, a child resistant to therapy will benefit best if you simply reassure and support them and leave therapy on the table only as an option, that he or she can choose if it’s needed. If your child displays any of the following symptoms, you should consider arranging therapy:
- excessive issues dealing with the separation
- lack of interest in friends or an inability to get along with peers
- consistent and persistent melancholy
- trouble performing in school
- issues eating and sleeping that seem to have no medical basis
- constant rudeness or combative behavior to either or both parents
- constant uncontrollable anxiety
- depression
Admittedly, therapy and/or counselling isn’t the best fit for every child. Younger children tend to be more easily influenced than older children, for example. If you’re very on the fence and think you may be able to get through to your child without the additional help, you should try that route first, and exhaust it before moving on to other help. If your child begins therapy willingly but dislikes the process, try to understand why; it could be because they dislike their therapist, because they dislike the timing of their therapy sessions in the week, or even because the therapy session replaces a previously treasured free time they spent doing something else they loved. In any case, understanding their discontent helps you accommodate them and raises their chances of success.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/kate-scharff/divorced-children_b_3187252.html
http://www.helpguide.org/articles/family-divorce/children-and-divorce.htm
http://depression.about.com/od/childhood/a/Resistant-To-Therapy.htm
