If you are in the midst of a divorce, you know how stressful it can be. You may have less help around the house, finances might be tight, and you may have a lot on your mind at any given time. However, you are also probably aware that divorce can be stressful and have a major effect on children. It is difficult to keep children out of the messiness of divorce in certain situations and, when all is said and done, they may have seen or heard some things that you wish they hadn’t. However, there are always ways to help your children transition when they must go and spend the weekend at mom or dad’s house after the emotional turmoil of divorce.
Helping Your Children Transition to Visitation After Divorce
Never use your children as a source of information after they have come home from the other parent’s house. You should never use your child as a way to get information out of the other party. Yes, your ex-husband or wife may have entered into a new relationship or received a new place to stay. Maybe they even had a juicy fight with their parents, but that is not something you should discuss with your child under any circumstances. Your children have enough on their plate having to see their parents live apart from one another, which means the added stress of reporting back to either parent can add unnecessary stress and turmoil for everyone involved. Do not make your child a pawn in a game; when they want to talk to you, they will talk. Be their listening ear when they need it.
Respect their choices as they grow, and remember that not every child will want to follow the court papers to the T. As children grow, they may have other plans that do not abide by the court order. What happens if a child has a sleepover with a friend on the same day they’re supposed to be visiting Dad? What if they don’t want to split a particular holiday? Parents must understand that their children are going to grow and do more on their own. It is in everyone’s best interest to be flexible instead of growing angry or resentful.
Never try to use money as leverage. Parents will sometimes attempt to “buy” their children by giving them nice gifts and money. When a child is small, they might eat this up and enjoy the incentives. However, this could backfire when children are older because they will realize that the parent was attempting to withhold them with gifts or buy their affection. The child will not choose one parent over another solely because of gifts, and it is wrong to do.
Make the transition as smooth and positive as possible. No parent enjoys seeing their ex with a new partner when they go to pick up their children. However, you must push these feelings aside for a moment and be as enthusiastic as possible about the switch. Your child will enjoy the energy and appreciate the fact that their parent is getting along with the other parent.
Never guilt trip your children. Children blame divorce on themselves in many cases, so keep the guilt out of their lives and never make them feel bad about spending time with the other parent. Your child wants to feel like they are a positive part of the matter and not the cause of a negative situation.
Children’s self-esteem could be affected if parents are constantly fighting with one another and putting them in the middle of their very adult matters. You can make the transition much simpler by following these useful tips and involving them in your life in the most positive way. In the end, it will only benefit your family when you are going through a divorce.
