In the midst of a divorce, you as a parent may not always see it but sometimes your children will suffer the most. Some parents actually rely on their children to keep them happy throughout the day so that they don’t have to focus on the hardships of the divorce or to keep them from crying over it. The truth is, this is affecting the children negatively more than anything else. Children may start to feel like something larger is expected of them when a parent does this, and they will feel more like an emotional crutch than they do a functioning child. No parent should ever lay complex adult problems onto a child.
Here is what needs to be known: Many adults are not yet equipped with all the divorce knowledge known in this world. It is a complex, complicated and tedious issue that brings about hard feelings and turmoil in some cases. This means that a child is certainly not equipped to deal with it, either. A child especially is not equipped enough to dispense appropriate advice or support, which shows they must be left out of the middle to avoid frustration and a mess of other serious matters. Children are not supposed to comprehend all of the issues involved with finances, break-ups, and infidelity on that level.
The Effect of Divorce on the Child
Divorce, by itself, can introduce a massive change into the life of a child no matter what the age. They must witness a variety of hurtful things, such as the loss of love between parents, possibly viewing some arguments, having parents break their marriage commitment, and having to make the adjustment of going back and forth between two households. Some children are not capable of understanding the permanence of the situation and just how serious it is, if they are young enough. Here are some of the unfortunate things that a child may ask themselves during this time:
- What will happen next to either my parents or me?
- Who will take care of me?
- If my parents lost their love for one another, could they also stop loving me?
- What if I lose my other parent since one already moved out?
This is why a parent must do whatever it takes to lead a functioning household after divorce strikes and uproots many things. A child may feel conquering fear, have separation anxiety, cry in bed at night, break toilet training, and cling to another parent on many occasions. This is why it is important that the utmost of the divorce stays between the parents and less on the children. This is exactly why a parent must be forthcoming and focus solely on care-taking to lessen the load on the child.
How to Keep the Child Out of Conflict
Of course, there are some steps you can take to keep your child out of the center of conflict when you are in the midst of a divorce.
- Minimize disruptions to your child’s lifestyle. Retain routine as often as possible.
- Make sure that both parents remain involved with the child, which means frequent contact.
- Provide reassurance to your children and let them know that the divorce is not their fault.
- Focus on their growth throughout the process.
- Model respect for the other parent, because they will always love that parent.
- Maintain play dates and other activities that they are used to so that your child can remain just that – a child.
- Create a parenting plan that helps you minimize conflict.
- Seek professional help if you believe it is necessary.
If you need our guidance through the turmoil of your divorce, do not hesitate to call us today. At The Law Offices of Amy M. Montes, we care about you and your time of need.
