Children deal with thoughts of confusion after a divorce: That’s a fact. Many children, depending on their age, will wonder why these things are happening and maybe even pin the blame on themselves. A lot of this confusion tends to stem from the age of the child at the time of the divorce and how deeply involved they are in both of their parent’s lives. They may cope in many ways such as expressing feelings of sadness, fear, and anger. But do these problems have to follow the child deep into adulthood? How can you help your child through this difficult time for all of you?
Explaining the Right Things to Your Child
So, let’s consider a situation – let’s say that you are taking your child over for visitation at your former spouse’s home. He is very excited, packed his bags, and hopped in the car ready to go so that he could see Daddy. However, when you arrive at his house to drop him off for the weekend, there is a girl standing outside. It just so happens to be your ex-husband’s new girlfriend. You may have many thoughts floating around in your head, probably much like your child is feeling the moment his eyes land on Daddy standing next to the new woman. Your protective instincts may kick in and you feel the need to jump in and “save” them from confusion now that another person is involved.
However, this may not work to the best outcome. You may feel like you need to stay involved and keep yourself in the picture, but this may not have the best effect on your child as well as your own health and sanity. If you continue to immerse yourself into your ex’s new life while trying to “save” your child, they may constantly bring problems to you instead of sitting and figuring things out themselves. Instead, you can encourage them with various techniques. For instance, there may be a favorite book or game of theirs. They should take this with to their father’s house so that, when things are hard on them and they may be feeling left out, they can read and enjoy something close to them. They may also find it relaxing to write about their experiences if they are at that age.
Competing for Attention?
They may still, unfortunately, feel like they are competing for their father’s attention when the new girlfriend is in the picture and taking time away from them. Your child may even exhibit feelings of stress when they are at their father’s, wondering if you may possibly have somebody there in your own life when they is not there. However, you should always reassure your child before you drop them off at their father’s house as well as allowing them to call you, but not in excess. You can review with your child what you are going to do during the weekend when the child is not there. For instance, you may reassure them that you will be cleaning the house, as a way to show them that you won’t be going on adventures without you.
Setting healthy boundaries is what’s best for you and your child. Show them that they are loved and that everything is going to be okay when you are not with them. At The Law Offices of Amy M. Montes, you can get the help you need after a divorce. Your child will thank you for keeping stability in their lives and you will feel at peace once again!
